“Vacillations”
By: Jon
Mar 21, 2005 4:30 pm
Confusion, Makati City

Have you ever fallen in love and ended it? I think that is one of the most difficult parts of every person's life. Sad that a couple have to part ways, coz the relationship is not working out. Even if you are sure that you both still love each other. I'm sure you're going to say, “why not work it out?” Work it out because you still love each other?... Don't get me wrong, but what I'm trying to say is that ending the relationship because you've exhausted all possible ways and means to work it out. But you guys still ended hurting each other and failing to hold it together.

After realizing how bad the person is in your life or the other person doesn't love you that much anymore. You still vacillate thinking that you guys can still be together and live happily ever after. And so you'd do the stupidest thing in the world and come up to the person, swallowing your pride and all to ask that person to try it again. Romantic as that may sound, but after a number of moments, you'd say: “what the hell was I thinking?”

That is basically all right. Don't treat yourself bad coz you are not the only one doing it. A lot of people go through the same ordeal, especially those who have loved so deep and so strong.

I guess those people do that because they are in love with the thought of “Love?” Holding on to the essence of having someone, a partner, and a lover. Blinded by the fact that that someone is not the right one for them. Or probably it is because those people cannot handle the thought of being alone. They cannot enjoy life with just their self that they need to be with someone. Having a partner that will witness the life they have, as they cannot appreciate what they're capable of or seeing their own achievements. I think that's a wrong reason to enter into a relationship.

Well that's one side. Vacillations happen partly because we become obsessive to the habits we've built with that person. Our lives have suddenly reached a turning point that we feel lost in the world because of the “big” change. We cannot seem to move or do things without the other person. It is difficult but true. Habits are a very hard thing to break. So it takes a lot of courage and determination to move on and realize that that chapter of our life has concluded.

So the next time you feel this, make an extra effort to rethink. What was the reason why the relationship has ended? Try to re-live your life with that person and think through if it’s going to be a happy life given all the circumstances. I'm sure if that thinking doesn't succeed, you are entering into a delusional state. Where you think everything will work out just fine. Remember that is what's on your mind, and that is how you think. But it may not be the same with the other person. You don't control the situation; especially you cannot control the one you love. On how they'll act or how they'll think. Best thing you can do is accepting the fact that it ended. Be ready, and begin the new chapter of your life, which you have to take.

Love is such a great feeling. I think one of our purposes in this life is to have and share that. But given the bad and awful circumstances, “Love would never be enough.” There should be a compromise, understanding, respect, sharing and a common goal that let's you grow as a couple and as an individual...

Confusion and delusion leads to vacillations.. Try hard to see through reality and fantasy. Experience gives the best lessons in the world. It’s all right to hope, hoping that a person changes for the better and for your gain. But character takes time to mold. A person's stained character is difficult to bleach. And at worst, will be forever instilled with her/him. Be thankful should that stained character be positively changed. That will be the best consolation you can ever achieve. Not just for yourself but for the other person as well. Always remember what you've learned and gained. Because it will serve you right every time.

We are all hopeless romantics by heart but some things are really hopeless for the right reasons. Ingrain that in the heart and mind. Because once the heart and mind is in synch, that's the moment you should realize you are right...